I love my son dearly but I am discovering that certain things I saw myself accomplishing after having him…well…they are just going to have to wait. After finding out about Marshall’s vision problems I fear I have become that Mom that worries about everything when it comes to his health and overall well being. If he sneezes I simply stop dead in my tracks with thoughts of terrible things happening to him because he sneezed. Yes, I am now that mother. I am that parent that other parents sit, point at, and judge. But that’s okay. I am what I am.
Having a baby is an eyeopening experience. This is obvious. Not so much is the experience it creates for oneself about what type of individual they themselves are. I led a sheltered life. My Mom and Dad babied me without question and I grew up thinking this is how all children live. Reality check…I was the weird one. The reality is that many children growing up in this country struggle with finding a safe place to call home and having a loving family around them to nurture and help them grow. So when I start fretting about every little thing about my son I need to first learn how to breathe and take notice that I’m not a bad mother. I may be clueless but at least I want to learn. I may be paranoid, but at least I care, and I may be crazy but that’s what will keep everyone else on their toes 🙂
I know this is a random blog post but my life has been random recently. I set all of these goals to blog every day on something new I have tried. Guess what? That fell through. However, I can’t say that I’m not trying new things. We are traveling nonstop this summer including a family vacation to Jamaica. I am continuing to crochet and would love to learn how to finally operate my sewing machine. I begin student teaching in the fall which means in the next couple of months I will prepare myself to leave the place I called work and at times home for the last 8 years of my life. I will leave those coworkers who I call friends and even family. They have been with me through the good times and the bad and have never wavered on being my support system when I needed them most.
Life changes…it must because that’s the world in which we live. I am making strides in ensuring that everyday is special. I watch Marshall getting older and realize that these are moments I will not get back with him. When I get frustrated that he sleeps better in bed with us than in his crib I have to stop and tell myself it won’t always be like this. So, to those numerous posts that say you shouldn’t share your bed with your infant….oops. My line of thinking is if he can sleep better in our bed and his mommy and daddy sleep better…then we are going to do it!